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Archbishop Welby bemoans Gender Dysphoria Liturgy absence in Book of Common Prayer
A satirical essay
By David W. Virtue, DD
www.virtueonline.org
March 10, 2019
In a hastily called press conference at Lambeth Palace, Archbishop Justin Welby said he was shocked to learn that a liturgy for transgender persons was not to be found in the Book of Common Prayer.
"I am mortified that the subject of gender dysphoria was missing in the BCP. It's this kind of lack of inclusion that will keep all 50 trans Brits away from church on Sunday morning. I am issuing a formal apology and am personally inviting all 50 to Lambeth Palace for lunch, where I will issue another formal apology. I can't apologize enough."
Asked how his statement might impact the wider Anglican Communion, Welby opined that the Africans really need to move into the 21st Century and give up their old colonial thinking about morality. "We brought them out of the Stone Age and now they are stuck in the biblical age of moral absolutes, clearly a lot of work needs to be done to push them into the post Christian world Britain has become and which I now embrace."
Asked if he thought that Jesus and John the beloved disciple might have had a thing going on, Welby demurred, but he offered that David and Jonathan were definitely mixing camels milk with the local hooch and doing the rumpy pumpy.
"The most important thing is to stay up with the culture and not get left behind. That's how churches go out of business," he opined.
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