That is what a marriage is meant to be, but because of the depth of our sin, we fall far short of that ideal. True marriage requires faithfulness and unselfishness. Where there is mutual joy in the marriage relationship the temptation to adultery has no power.

Jesus diagnosed that the problem of adultery lies in the sinfulness of our hearts and minds. "For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean'" (Mark 7:21). "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." It is not just the act of adultery that is condemned but also the thought that is the author of the deed. Lust is the sin of the mind and the imagination.

It describes the problem of the human mind which runs riot unbidden. We talk about our minds racing, about not being able to get things out of our minds, about being troubled in our minds. Our minds have a life of their own, and we cannot always control them. "The LORD saw... that every inclination of the thoughts of men's heart was only evil all the time" (Genesis 6:5). We wake up in the night with our minds filled with all sorts of anxieties. It seems that all of us have a problem with our thought lives. We can commit adultery by indulging our desires in the way we look at people as sexual objects. No one is exempt from this temptation. Our unconscious minds are infected by these desires so that our secret thoughts condemn us. Jesus put his finger on our guilt when he said to those who accused the woman caught in the act of adultery, "If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." They all left, the older ones first (John 8:7).

Sex is not neutral. It is powerful in its attraction. It cannot be taught merely as a scientific subject in academic classes for it appeals to our passions. The current redefinition of sex by federal agencies as an internal psychological determination rather than anatomical is leading to confusion and invasion of privacy in schools. Mandating that any child can choose to access any locker room or rest room in our schools is unnatural. Modesty acknowledges the reality of the power of sex. It is fantasy to believe that gender like race differences can be eliminated by desegregation. Jesus teaches us to avoid situations and relationships in which opportunities for such temptations are available.

"If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell." (Matthew 5:27-30) His hyperbole is meant to underscore the seriousness of this divine ordering of our passions. Better that we should sacrifice a part of our life rather than allow our sexual desires to control us and destroy us. The example of David and Bathsheba and his confession in Psalm 51 should be enough to warn us of the consequences.

It takes a committed joy-filled marriage and self-discipline to avoid viewing trash, to protect oneself from such titillation. 'Adult' stores, and pornography sites encourage such addictions and appeal to our lower nature. Our brains are biological computers which retain any image we may view and are not easily or ever able to be deleted from our consciousness. The Bible is realistic about the effect this has upon us. "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing" (Romans 7:18,19).

I have had numerous men in my churches who were married to wonderful wives who have come to me filled with guilt because they were addicted to pornography. What advocates for sexual liberation celebrate as freedom to enjoy what they desire as expressing their own sexual identities, whatever they are, is described in the moral law as slavery to sin. "Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel and just when I least expect it, they take charge" (Romans 7:20-23, The Message). Rescue is to be found only in the power of the Spirit of Jesus. Surrender to one's passions, to entertain a new sexual identity, is to prefer a lifestyle that rejects God's plan for us.

Today, more than ever, there is opportunity for such illicit craving to be indulged through pornography on the internet, and explicit sex on television and in the movies. I have a friend in the ordained ministry, Jay Haug, who was afflicted by this temptation. He has written a book about this problem, The Rest of God: Finding Freedom from Lust in the Internet Age. Having found his own way to recovery he shares insights from his own experience and the Scriptures to explain both the deeper issues of lust and sexual addiction and the solution that God has provided in Jesus Christ (www.jacobswellhope.org).

Casual recreational sex divorced from committed relationships, alternative lifestyles, marriage "equality", and gender preferences, are touted as the new social orthodoxy which is to be accepted as legitimate by all. Any deviation from this new moral relativity is now being condemned by the powers that be as bigoted and prejudiced. However the authority of the Scriptures condemns such experimentation as immoral, and destructive of marriage and the family, and eventually society. Gordon College in Massachusetts, where I served as Dean of Christian Life in the 70's, has been threatened with withdrawal of accreditation and their students excluded from practice teaching in a local school district because they adhere to a biblical view of sexuality and marriage.

The first miraculous sign Jesus performed, was when he turned the water into wine at a wedding in Cana of Galilee. If our marriages are going to experience mutual joy, we need to invite Jesus to turn what is our ordinary natural affection into a craving for the wine of heavenly love. We need to be intoxicated by his Spirit so that we are filled to overflowing with extravagant love for one another. We need a new heart and mind which only the Holy Spirit can give us. There is a good desire which only Jesus can satisfy, "If anyone is thirsty let him come to me and drink" (John 7:37-39). Then our marriages can be filled with the kind of joy expressed in the Song of Songs:

"Love is as strong as death,/ its jealousy as unyielding as the grave./ It burns like a blazing fire,/ like a mighty flame./ Many waters cannot quench love; / rivers cannot sweep it away(Song 8:6,7)

Jesus calls us to make a choice between lust and love. It is either/or, not both/and. What we desire, and what we think about is critical to our salvation. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things" (Philippians 4:8).

The Rev. Ted Schroder is pastor of Amelia Chapel on Amelia Island, Florida.