After the resurrection, when Jesus appeared to the disciples by the sea of Galilee, he took Peter aside and counseled him. He gave him counsel about Reconciliation, Dependence and Responsibility.

Counsel about Reconciliation

Jesus asked Simon three, very personal questions. One for each of the denials Peter had given on the night Jesus was betrayed. "Simon, son of John, do you truly love me?" Being macho means that you find it very hard to express yourself emotionally in affectionate terms. Yet here was Jesus confronting Peter with a direct question about the nature of their relationship. He could not sit on the fence. He had to commit himself one way or another. There could be no unfinished business between them. Whatever had happened in the past had to be dealt with and resolved. Failure, misunderstanding, words spoken that one regrets, whatever was in the past had to be repented of and a new affirmation of their relationship was required. This is true in all our troubled relationships. Reconciliation has to occur if we are to go forward together. We have to give and receive assurances that we want to forgive and forget, and start over again.

Peter replied, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Yes, the Lord probably did know that Peter loved him deep down, but he knew that Peter needed to express it, to admit it, to affirm it if they were to continue together in relationship. We need to express our love for one another, our appreciation of one another, our valuing of one another if we are to work together. We cannot assume it. As hard as it is sometimes, we need to thank people for what they mean to us and not take them for granted. The same is true for our relationship with Jesus. We may have had a formal and functional relationship with Jesus which operated on a need basis. We came to him when we felt we needed something done for us. Now he confronts us with whether we are willing to become personally involved. Do you want to have a personal relationship with me - "Do you love me?"

Jesus however asked a second time, and then a third time. Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him a third time, but Peter had hurt Jesus by his denials, and needed to make reparation. It hurts to have to humble oneself and apologize. It hurts our pride that when we have to admit that we have failed and need to say sorry. But all of us, at one time or another, have failed. None of us is perfect. Relationships go much smoother when we accept the imperfections in oneself and others and do not expect that others should never make mistakes. Jesus then gave Peter his commission: "Feed my lambs, take care of my sheep, feed my sheep." He was to be a shepherd, a pastor, to the flock, feeding them with the word of the Gospel.

Counsel about Dependence

Jesus counsels Paul about his old age, and his death. "When you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." For the macho to have to contemplate dependence on others to take care of them was hard to accept.

John Stott, in The Radical Disciple, his last book before he died, writes a chapter on dependence. I stayed with him when he was writing this book. He was already infirm, unable to walk, confined to a wheelchair, and dependent on an attendant to take care of him. He tells the story of his fall which resulted in a fractured hip and the dependence which was new to him. He cites the movie Driving Miss Daisy, in which the widow became dependent on her driver Hoke. "A refusal to be dependent on others is not a mark of maturity but immaturity... dependence is the most characteristic attitude for the radical disciple. God's design for our life is that we should become dependent on him and on one another. We come into this world totally dependent on the love, care and protection of others.

We go through a phase of life when other people depend on us. And most of us will go out of this world totally dependent on the love and care of others. And this is not an evil, destructive reality. It is part of the design, part of the physical nature that God had given us. I sometimes hear old people, including Christian people who should know better, say, 'I don't want to be a burden to anyone else. I'm happy to carry on living so long as I can look after myself, but as soon as I become a burden I would rather die.'

But this is wrong. We are all designed to be a burden to others. You are designed to be a burden to me and I am designed to be a burden to you. And the life of the family, including the life of the local church family, should be one of 'mutual burdensomeness.' "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2). Christ himself takes on the dignity of dependence. He is born a baby, totally dependent on the care of his mother. He needs to be fed, he needs his bottom to be wiped, he needs to be propped up when he rolls over. And yet he never loses his divine dignity. And at the end, on the cross, he again becomes totally dependent, limbs pierced and stretched, unable to move. So in the person of Christ we learn that dependence does not, cannot, deprive a person of their dignity, of their supreme worth. And if dependence was appropriate for the God of the universe, it is certainly appropriate for us." (pp.110f.)

Counsel about Responsibility

Peter asked Jesus what is going to happen to his fellow apostle, John. "Lord, what about him?" Jesus told him that it is none of his business what is going to happen to John. What is his business? "You must follow me." You have a life to fulfill. Get on with it. That is your responsibility. Don't look at others. They have their own lives to fulfill. We have to be responsible for what we do with our lives as we follow Jesus. That is a big enough task for each of us. Whether we live short lives or long lives, whether we have a large or a small sphere of influence, we need to get on with what the Lord calls us to do as we seek to follow him every day, seeking his guidance, and following his direction, in the strength of our personal relationship with him, empowered by his Spirit.

How do we know what to do? How do we know how to follow Jesus? St. John tells us that Jesus did many other things which are not written down. There is so much more that Jesus did that if they were recorded even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. But we have been given all that we need to know how to follow him. There is no reason why we should demand more, or claim that we don't know enough. We have enough. The question is whether we are going to love Jesus, trust in him for our present and future, and follow him all the days of our lives.

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