This desire for first-hand verification is perfectly normal. It is especially understandable when extraordinary claims such as these are made. To have seen and spoken with someone who was certifiably dead cries out for some kind of proof. That is why it is so difficult for modern man to believe anything unless he has had direct experience of it. The resurrection of Jesus is no easier to believe today than it was two thousand years ago. Some people find it easier to believe than others. Thomas needed some proof. He was a doubter of so-called miraculous occurrences.

Perhaps Thomas was plagued with troubling questions that he couldn't ignore. Doubts are often rooted deep in the personality. Did Thomas suffer from emotional mood swings: a manic period when faith was strong, and a depressive period when faith was absent? When we feel good, and life is going well, faith is easy. But when we pass through periods of discouragement, doubts resurface. It is important to distinguish mood swings from genuine doubt. Our feelings have to be offered up to God, to be purified, so that we can experience peace. We can choose to be governed by our feelings or by our daily commitment to follow Jesus.

Was Thomas at a turning point in his development and personal history? Different seasons of our lives affect our faith and our doubts. Changes in life lead to vulnerability which leaves us open to doubt. Transitions, a sense of danger, insecurity, loneliness, which Thomas must have been experiencing, can cause doubt and fear. Adolescence, mid-life crises, menopause, empty nests, illnesses and retirement bring stresses that cause us to doubt. As we age we ask, "Is there nothing more?" and we face the three big D's: decline, depression and death.

Did the death of Jesus trigger some emotional connection in Thomas's life? The loss of Jesus may have led him to contemplate other losses in his life, which he interpreted as abandonment by significant people, and consequent feelings of anger, or lack of value. Some doubts can be traced to painful chapters in our emotional history. Deaths of parents, siblings, or close friends in tragic circumstances, may have left unfinished business. The fact that Jesus had appeared to the other disciples and not him may have upset him. Was Jesus avoiding him? Was he not important? Why was he being put on the spot and expected to believe when the others had it easy? It could have looked to him as favoritism.

Pressure points and crisis events can shape our doubts. Job losses, illness, bereavements, tragedy of one kind or another, may push us to doubt. Loss of children or other people we love, often cause us to doubt that there is a God of love. Perhaps this is what led to Thomas's doubting. He had undergone the stunning shock and stress of Jesus' arrest, trial, torture and execution. This was a major life crisis for Thomas. All his hopes and dreams had crashed and burned.

Parental abuse causes distrust and doubt of any authority figures. "New York University psychology professor Paul Vitz, in his book Faith of the Fatherless, studied the childhood of several well-known atheists and saw strong evidence that their rejection of God is directly related to father pain: the death of a father or abuse or abandonment by their fathers. Vitz points out that Friedrich Nietzsche, the philosopher who declared that 'God is dead,' lost his father at age four. Samuel Butler, skeptical British novelist, was often brutally beaten by his 'pious' father. Sigmund Freud said his father was a 'pervert' and built much of his psychological theory around father hatred. Joseph Stalin's father beat him unmercifully. Madelyn Murray O'Hair once tried to kill her father with a butcher knife. Vitz suggests that after studying these and other 'major historical rejecters of God .... We find a weak, dead or abusive father in every case.' Consequently Vitz urges great compassion for atheists, because behind their unbelief, in all likelihood lies some painful memory. So as you examine your doubts, you may want to honestly confront the possibility that one of your roadblocks to faith may be some pain from the past."

When you consider your doubts, look for its roots in your basic temperament, or your particular stage in life, or to a negative experience either long past or recent. Doubt may have more to do with your personality or your personal history than it does with the facts, with the issue of truth, or the conflict between faith and knowledge.

Who knows what were the roots of Thomas's doubts about the resurrection? Eventually he came to believe. Some of us take longer to process the information we need in order to experience the presence of Christ. That does not mean that we should give up or summarily reject the evidence we have in hand. It means that we need to be patient and humble enough to be open to what God might want to teach us.

A week later, the next Sunday, the first day of the week, the Lord's day, when the disciples were gathered together again (the second Sunday in the Christian era), Jesus came and stood among them, as he does whenever his church gathers. He said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." When Thomas saw Jesus he acknowledged him with words of personal faith, "My Lord and my God."

Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Jesus says to every one, "Stop doubting and believe." That means making a choice. Will I consciously believe, or will I choose to continue to doubt? Doubt is a decision, just as much as faith. Feelings of uncertainty or doubt, should not prevent me from making the decision to believe in Jesus and to follow him. Sometimes I have to act on my choices before the feelings will follow. The habit of keeping company with Jesus, will result in a secure relationship of love, which fosters faith. Walking in the way of Christ each day, can gradually dispel doubt, until it withers away through lack of attention. Faith needs to be fed, and doubt needs to be starved, through prayer, study, service, witness, and worship. In that way the past can be put behind me, and the future becomes an adventure of faith, with all the possibilities the kingdom of God promises. It is the only way to live.

"God, today I resonate with the desperate cry in the Gospel, 'I believe, help my unbelief.' Sometimes I think I operate my life out of more doubt than faith. And yet I want to believe... and I do believe. I'm a complex creature. At times I can believe with my head, while my body is locked into patterns of skepticism and doubt. Faith is not yet in my muscles, my bones, my glands. Increase faith in me, O Lord. I'm sure that for faith to grow, you will put me in situations where I'll need resources beyond myself, I submit to this process. Will this mean moving out on behalf of others, praying for them and trusting you to work in them? If so, then show me the who, what, when and where, and I will seek to act at your bidding. Throughout I am trusting you to take me from faith to faith - from the faith I do have to that faith that I am in the process of receiving. Thank you for hearing my prayer. Amen."

(Richard Foster, Prayers from the Heart)

Amelia Plantation Chapel
Amelia Island, Florida