Granger Westberg wrote a little book entitled Good Grief which identified the stages of grief through which we must travel. After the initial shock there is our emotional expression of our loss. We feel depressed and alone. We may get sick and become panicky. We feel a sense of guilt, and anger. We struggle with returning to normal activities. Only gradually does hope comes through and we can affirm the new reality of our lives.

The disciples had been through an emotional tsunami. They had seen their beloved Teacher and Lord suffer and die in an excruciating way. Then his body went missing. Suddenly he had appeared to them and showed them that he was alive. An angel told them, "He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him." (Matt.28:7) So they head off from Jerusalem to return to their home territory where they were first recruited by Jesus to follow him. What was going on? They must have been confused. They were restless, because they were uncertain. They did not understand what was going on, what the future held for them. It was all so perplexing. They were disturbed; nothing seemed settled. Jesus was no longer with them on a day to day basis. He was no longer traveling with them, eating with them, sleeping with them, talking with them on the way. He had gone, and yet he had reappeared for a moment to reassure them that he was alive. It was not the same. It was very different. What should they make of it all?

In this state of indecision, in the absence of any guidance or direction, Simon Peter told them that he was going out to fish. He had to do something. He couldn't just sit around and mope. The other six disciples, who were with him, perhaps the fishermen among them, decided to join him. They all sought relief in action from their restlessness. And so do we all when we struggle to return to normal activities. They needed to eat, they needed to make a living, they needed to get out and do something. So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing. Their natural abilities seem to have deserted them. The night passed. They worked out their emotional tension in physical activity. They threw the nets out and dragged them back in empty. They began to feel tired and spent. Nothing seemed to be working.

We experience periods in life when we go through the motions of daily living, following our habits, doing what we can, yet without much in the way of satisfying results. We do what we think we should do but without much enthusiasm, and find ourselves as empty at the end of the day as when we started. Life is a drag. We feel sadness, sometimes depression. We have lost our joy. "I am like a desert owl, like an owl among the ruins. I lie awake; I have become like a bird alone on a roof." (Psalm 102:6,7) We don't want to talk to anyone. Yet we fear being forgotten. We don't want to hear any more bad news. We need encouragement, but don't want superficial cheering up. We don't want to have to smile all the time and yet we feel guilty because Christians are supposed to be victorious. No matter how many times we try to feel better we come up empty. Friends make matters worse when they put band aids on our wounds by saying: "You'll get over this in no time." or "I had the same thing - it was not that bad." Or "Just trust in God. It will get better." Or "You'll be fine, There are others worse off than you." We don't want to be patronized by others who do not accept the reality of our pain. There are times when we come up empty no matter how hard we try to do something about it.

In Alcoholics Anonymous when a person responds to the query, "How are you?" with the word, "Fine" it is taken to mean, "Fouled up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Empty." "Why do we waste our time with such empty exchanges? 'How are you?' 'Fine.' I don't tell you how I am doing because I don't think you are interested. Or I don't think you have time. Or I don't believe you'll accept me if I tell you how things are really going with me, which incidentally, is not all that great. Truthfully, it's worse than that. It's bad. Things are not going well at all for me. But if I tell you the truth, what will you do? Will you turn away from me? Will you leave me alone with my furies, my despair, my loneliness? How much energy do hurting persons spend covering up their feelings? How high is the cost of 'putting on a happy face'?" (Don't Sing Songs to A Heavy Heart: How to Relate to Those who Are Suffering, Kenneth C. Haugk, 125, 126)

But the night does not go on forever. The morning eventually comes and reveals Jesus on the shore, but the disciples do not realize that it is Jesus. He asks them whether they have caught any fish. After hearing of their plight he tells them where they can find some. When they do as he directed they are unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved - John - said to Peter, "It is the Lord." He recognizes Jesus in the results they experience for he has done this before. When the disciples land the catch Jesus invites them to have breakfast with him, as if nothing has changed, and it is perfectly natural to do so. None of them question him. They know who he is. They must have been dumbstruck as he served them with bread and fish. The frustration of the night rolled away in the morning sunlight. The dawn brought a happy contentment, the assurance that things were going to be all right after all. Jesus was with them, and that is all they needed to know. His presence brought fulfillment. They could trust in his provision for their need. They knew that he would lead and guide them. All they needed to do was to follow his direction, listen to his words, and live in the presence of his risen life.

In the dark night of our souls, when we come up empty, we have to believe that the dawn will eventually come, and with the dawn Jesus will be there to guide us to the next step. He will give us what we need to sustain us. "Jesus came and took the bread and gave it to them." He comes to us when we need him and he says, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." (John 6:35)

The disciples had to come to the end of their tether before they could be helped. They had to exhaust their natural abilities before they were able to hear Jesus' direction and were willing to follow it. Sometimes we have to accept that we cannot solve our problems by ourselves and we must look to the Lord for what he has in store for us. He will serve us with what we need. Then we ask ourselves why we delayed looking to him to save us.

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