Camping it Up?

by Peter Ould
October 7th, 2008

The London Times yesterday ran a feature about the recent Exodus Conference in North Carolina. You can read it here. This is one of the opening paragraphs that sets the scene:

Exodus is one of the ministries of the so-called "ex-gay" movement, a controversial fundamentalist Christian campaign that encourages gay people to renounce their sexuality. This, its annual conference, promises "an amazing week of breakthroughs, transformations and healings". A Christian rock band begins to play and the 800 men and women who moments earlier seemed to have only awkwardness in common begin singing and clapping in unison. Eyes closed, they raise their hands above their heads, uplifted by the hope of being reborn.

Where to start? The problem with Lucy Bannerman's piece is that she betrays her non-objectivity from the start. The language of "renounce their sexuality" displays very clearly that Lucy believes that sexual attraction isn't a fluid thing, and that the very idea that someone might see a (dramatic) change in their sexual orientation is simply beyond her radar.

This combined with the use of emotive language - for example, the North Carolina based Freedom Conference is described as an "ex-gay boot camp", which is a bizarre way to describe a gathering that not only includes men and women struggling with issues of sexual attraction and identity, but also pastors and counsellors - delivers a critique that is less interested in getting inside the real human stories and is more concerned with a sensational headline.

Her use of expressions like "evangelism psychotherapy" demonstrates that she hasn't even done her basic groundwork (the word she is looking for is "Evangelical", not evangelism - a religion reporter who doesn't even know the difference between "evangelical" and "evangelism" isn't off to a good start in anybody's books).

That isn't to say that Bannerman doesn't put her finger on one or two of the more unfortunate aspects of ex-gay ministries. She is absolutely right to comment on the perceived goal of such ministries:

Each evening, a roll-call of "former homosexuals" hold up their husbands and wives like kitemarks of their newfound heterosexuality. We are told repeatedly that marriage is evidence of healing. Stereotypes are the ex-gay currency, and the heterosexual ideal is practically ringed by a white picket fence.

This visual display of victory seems to contrast with the words of Alan Chambers, the current Director of Exodus:

"The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality," says Chambers, sagely. "It's holiness."

There are also examples given of some more questionable seminars on offer:

The timetable is packed. A class on "True Femininity", which concludes cryptically that true femininity "is the ability to receive", would probably have reduced Germaine Greer to tears. Another features an Angela Lansbury lookalike who manages to link her gay ex-husband's death from an Aids-related illness to his father's links with the "Serbian mafia".

Bannerman shares some of the journey of her room-mate (though Bannerman's criticism of the sharing of rooms at the conference strikes me as odd, as though she's suggesting that it's simply impossible to keep your pants on in the presence of anybody of the same sex that you are attracted to) but these aren't ever really followed up and explored. Rather, they are presented in a format that is designed to cast scorn upon her decisioning:

Back in her room, Michelle has had an epiphany. "I've realised that I've been looking for satisfaction in all the wrong places - food, drugs, sex," she says, firmly. "My homosexuality is just one of many things to come from this place of pain, and all it gave me was a heart full of ache"

If the Exodus experience seems far-fetched - the sort of thing that could happen only in America - then think again.

Perhaps for me though, the most disappointing part of the piece was the failure to engage with anybody in the UK who has had a positive experience of these kind of ministries. While Bannerman was happy to talk to Jeremy Marks whose Courage ministry did a complete volte-face on the issue a few years ago, given that the piece was finished off by Ruth Gledhill (the Times' wonderful religion correspondent and blogger), and given that Ruth is fully aware of myself and my availability to comment on these issues, the blatant failure to speak to anybody in this country who has seen dramatic changes in their sexual attraction through this kind of approach (and other approaches) is at best a journalistic failure and at worst, an obvious and unfortunate sign of the bias of the author.

The final paragraph of the piece sums up the myopia of Bannerman's approach:

Packing her suitcase, Michelle feels that she has found an answer. "To focus on sex is missing the point," she says. "It's not about gay or straight. It's about holiness and my relationship with Christ." She wants to marry but admits that she may never be attracted to men. "Then it means I've been called to singleness." And lifelong celibacy? "I'm surrendering to God's way." And she leaves, ready to face a new life in which love and sex are reduced to the sound of elevator music.

One is left wondering that if Bannerman feels that any life would be empty and pointless without sex, and that one cannot love in any meaningful way without coitus, then perhaps she needs to book herself into chatting with someone about that, and maybe this time she won't need to lie about her reasons for being there.

Response by Living Waters to The Lucy Bannerman Article.

"The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned". 1 Cor 2 v 14 Another caricature! Lucy Bannerman entered the world of Exodus International through a masquerade. This is also, how she entered our workshop at the Lambeth Conference, posing as a sweet but curious junior reporter. How ironic that she should then be so critical of people not wanting to pursue a masquerade any longer. As soon as there was space, in the workshop, she dominated the Q & A time, becoming feisty and accusatory. She was quite unable to hear that our work is across the spectrum of relational and gender issues and is offered only to Christians who are adults and who seek us out.

She was on a crusade but had not done the preliminary research that would have enabled an informed discussion. I would have liked to see, both in the article and in her presence, some understanding of the formation of sexuality and an acknowledgement, that is as much a work in progress as any other key part of our personhood. Then, in the light of this, a rational explanation and acceptance of the roots of same sex attraction in men and in women. This immediately raises the possibility of change. She made no distinction between someone having feelings of same sex attraction and acting on them.

She could not accept that times have moved on and academics and practitioners, secular and Christian, agree that sexuality is fluid and open to many influences and developments even in adulthood. Also, that many of us become stuck in this development and after puberty, genuine unmet pre-pubescent needs, become eroticised and present and, in their intensity, feel like our sexuality. We see Christians with a whole range of unwanted sexual behaviours: promiscuity, adultery, sexual addictions, using prostitutes, pornography.

We assert that the most helpful terminology is to describe a person, not as "gay," but as dealing with same sex attraction and so for this reason, as well as to respect the breadth of issues brought by our participants, we refuse to be called an ex-gay ministry. For us, as Christians, our discipleship programmes are all about coming into a more profound and real relationship with God. Where He then takes us in that journey of grace and truth is up to Him.

Sadly, Bannerman had no personal reference point for what was happening at the Exodus conference she attended: worship, prayer, tears, spiritual teaching and encounters with God would have been an anathema to her and what of her room mate who shared the details of her inner journey, only to find them blazoned in the London papers, for anyone to read.

Please allow us the freedom to worship and to seek God's grace and truth for any and every area of our lives - even our sexuality - so we can testify of His love and transforming power to a lost and hurting world.

Dr Lisa Guinness is director of Living Waters www.living-waters-org.uk

Lucy Bannerman's 'Disgusting' take on Ex-Gay Ministries

October 8th, 2008

Mario Bergner responds to Lucy Bannerman's article in the Times

Lucy Bannerman's 'Disgusting' Take on Ex-Gay Ministries

by Fr. Mario Bergner

Redeemed Lives and Living Waters UK gave a fringe event at Lambeth 2008 entitled Pastoral Care After the Sexual Revolution. Together, Lisa Guinness and I did our very best to communicate our central point.

Namely, that all people have been negatively impacted by the fallout from the sexual revolution of the 1960's. Be it multiple remarriages after multiple divorces, cohabitation, recreational sex, the proliferation of pornography on the internet, sexual addiction, abortion, isolating loneliness or same-sex attractions: we are all in need of relational and sexual healing.

While both our ministries have helped many men and women seeking healing for unwanted same-sex attractions, the overwhelming majority of the people who seek us out are Christians dealing with other issues listed above. At the second session of our fringe event, a London Times reporter asked to sit in. Earlier that week I had given Joanna Clegg of the London Times an interview, and found her a delightful, objective and honest reporter.

But Joanna was part of the official press core of Lambeth. However, this reporter, I later learned, crashed Lambeth. Only in hindsight did I realize she was not wearing a press pass suspended from the official Lambeth lanyard as Joanna wore. Lisa and I briefly discussed whether or not to allow this reporter into the session. Lisa thought we should not. I thought we should, having had such a good interview with Joanna. Lisa graciously gave way to my inclination.

At first, this reporter seemed so sweet. But when we opened the floor for questions and answers at the end of our talk, she dominated the time. She had just returned from North Carolina where she attended the Exodus International Conference as an undercover reporter. She recounted to us several times that Exodus, 'makes young people feel bad about being gay.'

To support her conclusion she mentioned seeing young women crying at the conference, assuming their tears were issuing forth because of their participation in Exodus. The sweetness that greeted us before our event quickly turned into outright aggression. She continually reiterated that we were really ex-gay ministries.

Neither Living Waters UK nor Redeemed Lives employ the term 'ex-gay', or any references to gayness. Why? Because we do not believe that 'gay' is a viable category for describing human sexuality. Gayness is not an ontological state. This reporter didn't seem to believe us. Actually, it seemed she did not want to believe us. So, I tried to explain using an illustration from an episode of Sex and The City.

I paraphrased, "A few years ago I was seated in the lobby of a hotel waiting for my hosts to pick me up for dinner. On the television was an episode of Sex and The City. Now, I have never seen this television series before or since, but the scene I watched fascinated me. Four beautiful young women sat around a bar, talking. One spoke of a strange event that happened with a colleague.

'He asked me out for a drink after work yesterday. Knowing he was gay, I thought there was no harm in it. After a few drinks, we decided to have dinner together. We had a great conversation, and when dinner was over he walked with me outside and hailed a cab. But before I got into the taxi, he took me in his arms and gave me a kiss. What was that about?'

One of the other young women answered, 'Maybe he's a straight gay guy.' Another one of the women said, 'Maybe he's a gay straight guy.' A third women said, 'Why does he have to be straight or gay, maybe he's just a guy.'"

My point was that the categories of gay or straight are falling out of favor with popular culture. It seems that even Hollywood understands that male sexuality is plastic and doesn't fit into polarized little boxes like gay or straight. After the fringe event was over, one of the leaders from Zaccheus Fellowship, an ex-gay Anglican ministry in Canada, said to me, "That reporter walked by our booth yesterday in the Lambeth Marketplace and said one word, 'disgusting.'"

Just this week her article on Exodus International, The Camp That 'Cures' Homosexuality/ appeared in the London Times Online. It is a mix of accuracy, harsh judgments, contradiction and deception. Her name is Lucy Bannerman and her writing style is compelling. She tells a good story. Her voice and point of view are crystal clear. Miss Bannerman thinks ministries like Exodus International are, well, disgusting. She judged all 800 people in attendance as having 'awkwardness in common.'

At the same time she captures the sincerity of people seeking help for unwanted same-sex attractions. From the article, quoting Michelle, Ms Bannerman's 28 year old roommate at the conference, 'My homosexuality is just one of many things to come from this place of pain, and all it gave me was a heart full of ache.' So true. Likewise, my experience of living in the gay lifestyle caused me deep heart ache. The ache of short-term unfaithful lovers. The ache of seeing many of my dear sweet friends die of AIDS in the 1980's and 1990's.

The ache of the fear of growing old realizing the gay community prizes youth and beauty and ridicules aging gay men as trolls, aunties and old queens. The ache of never having my own biological children with the partner I love. These are the aches that motivate many people to find a way out of homosexuality, either through the church or through psychotherapy. For Christians, even if such attractions never go away, a life of singleness and holiness before God is better than the isolating emotional instability of the gay community.

But Ms Bannerman contradicts herself too. Quoting Alan Chambers, the president of Exodus USA, 'The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality. It's holiness.'

Then later in the article she states, 'We are told repeatedly that marriage is evidence of healing' although she never identifies who said that. But Ms Bannerman's quotes from Alan Chambers, two other participants, and her own words attests to just the opposite. Ricardo, a doctor from Illinois shares, 'I used to think marriage was the ultimate goal but I've come to accept that I'll struggle with [same-sex attraction] for the rest of my life.'

Ms Bannerman's roommate discloses,
'It's not about gay or straight. It's about holiness and my relationship with Christ.' Even Ms Bannerman accurately reports, 'She wants to marry but admits that she may never be attracted to men.'

At our fringe event at Lambeth, Lisa and I both stated several times that the goal of healing is not marriage, but wholeness in Christ and that the Good News of Jesus Christ for self-identified gays is not, 'Jesus loves you and wants to make you straight.'

Vouching for the leadership at Exodus International, many of whom I have known for twenty years, I can assure they do not promote marriage as a goal. The truth is just the reverse; all too many people have mistakenly entered into marriage thinking a partner of the other-sex was all they needed to deal with their same-sex issues. Sadly, this is the bad advice given to many men and women with unwanted same-sex attractions, "You just need to get married and have a bunch of kids."

Equally dangerous is when a person overcoming same-sex attraction marries against the counsel of others, only to find themselves bonded to a partner who has personal issues that war against future growth and healing. What follows such a tragic mistake is a regression into same-sex attractions to escape from the efforts it takes to live day-in and day-out with a spouse who has great needs.

Perhaps the most egregious feature of Ms Bannerman's article is her deception and lack of regard for Michelle's turmoil. Ms Bannerman went to the Exodus conference 'masquerading as one of hundreds of homosexual strugglers.'

Although I am sure Michelle is not the real name of Ms Bannerman's roommate at the Exodus Conference, I would think 'Michelle' shared what she did with Ms Bannerman trusting she was disclosing to a fellow sojourner. How devastating for 'Michelle' if she reads Ms Bannerman's article, only to have her deepest sexual struggles printed in the London Times Online. I realize now that Lisa Guinness was right. We should have never let Ms Bannerman into our fringe event.

---Rev Mario Bergner is an Anglican Priest and Director of Redeemed Lives. www.redeemedlives.org