"Wife, my love," I cried, "a bucket of ice tea, lace it with anything you can find and hold the ice."

My dog cocked her head, padded across the kitchen floor, lay down and licked my toes.

Visions of Archbishop Robert Duncan and all the ACNA bishops swept before my eyes; visions of Chuck Murphy and AMiA, of bishops Martyn Minns and John Guernsey and empty chairs in Dublin, of countless lawsuits, and the bald pederast Brother Bede Parry of the diocese of Nevada being inducted into TEC's Hall of Infamy. The future of SC Bishop Mark Lawrence hauled up on faux charges that he is trying to take his diocese out of TEC floated in and out of my consciousness. I passed out.

When I came to, I found a needle in my arm and an EMT guy asking me where the pain was.

"All over, I said.

"Can you be more specific, sir?"

"I feel the pain of exclusion in my groin, my head lacks inclusivity, all my body parts seem to be floating in a sea of diversity and I was searching in vain for Sufi the Rumi...."

"Sir, how long have you been having these...ah pains?"

"For years, but lately they seem to have gotten a lot worse. I was reading this article in a Canadian Anglican publication about our dear Presiding Bishop and visions of the president of North Korea floated before my eyes. I think they refer to him as Dear Leader or Supreme Leader, well anyway, when his name ended in il (Kim Jong), I knew I was on the right track.

"This magazine said she had 'sang-froid' and that she 'does not care for biographical questions.' I wonder why?"

My mind floated to Wikipedia and all the important stuff about her theological education being erased. I started to hyperventilate. The EMT guy handed me a paper bag and told me to blow into it.

".... She said she specialized in 'zoogeography which tracks the distribution of species...' I guess that is why she is so good at tracking orthodox bishops and throwing them out of TEC."

"I wouldn't know, sir."

"Then she said she had been studying cephalopods...I thought it was a praying mantis or something, but then she said it was about squid and octopus and suddenly a jet of ink hit me right between the eyes..."

"I think you were hallucinating sir, we found no ink on your body."

"She said she wants young baptized people to be involved in MDGs... but the young are not coming into Episcopal churches. Their parents are barely coming any more..."

"What's an MDG, sir?"

"Mad Dog Government spending...I think."

The article said she "championed inclusiveness..."

"Why is that a problem sir?"

"Well most of the the orthodox and faithful believing Episcopalians have left the church because they won't conform to her idea of what the church is or should be. They felt unincluded or at least that their point of view was not included..."

"That's very unfortunate, sir...I notice that your breathing seems to be returning to normal."

"This week we learned she allowed a Roman Catholic priest into the Episcopal Church when she was Bishop of Nevada allegedly knowing he was pederast..."

"Oh my god. That's awful, sir."

"Now we know why she won't get rid of PA Bishop Charles Bennison."

"Who's he?"

"It's a long story. I won't bore you. Just when we thought things couldn't get any worse a church committee gave her extraordinary powers to override the authority of local bishops. That's a bit like giving Pompeii to Nero knowing how it would all turn out."

"Shocking, sir."

"Worst of all, I don't think anybody likes me anymore."

"Really. Perhaps a therapist might help, sir."

"I tried that, but the Episcopal lesbian shrink said I was beyond hope."

END