Knowing how to be a good husband or wife or parent or child or employer or employee is notoriously difficult because of various personalities and circumstances. I remember being on vacation and listening to a well known and highly regarded preacher on Fathers' Day dispense counsels of perfection which left me feeling inadequate and angry. There is a tendency to lay down too much law and not enough grace. "Judge not, lest you be judged," and "He who is without sin cast the first stone," should be followed by preachers.

So I approach this passage in Ephesians with the knowledge that I will not please everyone. With appropriate humility and disclaiming any personal authority I will attempt to clarify and highlight St. Paul's application of the Gospel to these basic areas of life, and building blocks of society. Seen in the context of the first century they were revolutionary in changing the perception of relationships between husbands and wives, parents and children, and masters and servants.

The key to the whole section of apostolic advice is verse 21. It stands as a heading to the three sections: "Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another." (The Message) "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (NIV)

In our relationships with one another: in marriage, in families, at work, be mutually respectful of one another out of a knowledge of your relationship with Christ as your Lord. There is no place for lording it over others in the Christian life. Jesus said, "You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Matthew 20:25-28)

Imagine what a revolutionary thought that was to people in the first century. Women, children and slaves had no rights. They could be treated without impunity by their husbands, fathers and masters. It is still so in many parts of the world, especially in Islamic societies. The Gospel brings liberation and human rights to people who are abused. There is no place for mistreatment of anyone in the Christian life. No one is inferior to another. In Christ, there is neither male nor female, slave nor free (Galatians 3:28).

All our relationships are measured by our relationship to Christ. Wives are to relate to their husbands as to the Lord. Husbands are to relate to their wives just as Christ does the church. Children are to relate to their parents in the Lord. Fathers are to bring up their children in the training and instruction of the Lord. Slaves are to relate to their masters as they would Christ. Masters are to treat their slaves in the same way. "Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him."

The word 'submit' is the English equivalent of respect or honor. It means 'to give way to'. It is not the same word as 'obey'. Paul uses it to describe the mutuality of Christian relationships. We are to respect, honor, give way to, serve one another. It is not meant to be a one way street. It governs all the other advice Paul gives. The wife is to respect and honor her husband. The husband is to respect and honor his wife and love her as himself. The language describing the husband's behavior to his wife is extravagant, paralleling the role of Christ as Savior of the church. The body language reminds us that marriage is physical, in which the two opposite genders are united to become one flesh. The physical body is essential to marriage. It is not a union of hearts alone, which is a Gnostic conception, as though the form of the body does not matter. We are made male and female for one another in marriage.

Children are to obey (a different word) as well as honor their parents, as the commandment teaches. This is nothing new. What is revolutionary is that Fathers are not to exasperate their children, but have a responsibility to raise them up in the Lord. "A Roman father had absolute power over his family. He could sell them as slaves, he could make them work in his fields even in chains, he could take the law into his own hands and punish as he liked, he could even inflict the death penalty on his child." (William Barclay) A Christian father is to honor and respect the personality and potentiality of his children, seeking to discover and develop their gifts and not trying to live their lives through them. God has a unique plan and purpose for each child and it is the parents' responsibility to encourage and support them in their discipleship.

Christians who were slaves or servants in households were to work as if they were serving Christ, honoring and respecting their masters and employers. Christian masters and employers were to handle their supervision in the same way. The respect was to be mutual. Paul expands on this theme in his letter to Philemon. He reminds Philemon that his slave Onesimus is a dear brother in Christ. "He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord. So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me." Here is the basic Gospel truth that would eventually end the institution of slavery. You cannot enslave your Christian brother or sister.

How do we apply this teaching to our lives today? How do we honor and respect each other in our marriages, in our families and in our dealing with people who work for us? Do we treat them as Christian brothers and sisters? We know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does. How are wives treating husbands? Is there respect there? How are husbands treating their wives? Is there sacrificial love being practiced as Christ loved the church? How are children respecting and honoring their parents? How are parents respecting their children? How are employees respecting and serving their employers and customers? How are employers respecting their workers? Here is the spiritual basis of a civil society which the world badly needs. It requires a change of heart that Christ came to bring.

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