Martha was "distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, 'Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her to help me.'

'Martha, Martha,' the Lord answered, 'you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.'"

Martha was anxious about all that she thought needed to be done to take care of her visitors. But she was not content to get on with it and do it according to her expectations. She felt that her sister needed to have the same priorities as her. Why did she not go directly to her sister? Why do we not go directly to people when we have a problem with them? Is it to avoid confrontation? Is it because you don't want to upset someone you are close to? Is it because Martha wanted to draw attention to herself and all that she was doing for Jesus? She was projecting her own anxieties onto her sister and attempted to use Jesus to coerce her sister to fulfill her own needs. It backfired. Jesus did not attempt to placate Martha, or to pass the message onto Mary, shaming her into action. Instead, he put his finger on Martha's problem and affirmed Mary. Martha was distracted from being a good host by rushing around. Mary was giving her whole attention to her distinguished guest by listening to what he was saying.

Here we see in action what Friedman called a 'non-anxious presence'. Jesus and Mary refused to be affected by the anxiety of Martha. Instead, they exhibited different priorities. Rather than worrying about how others saw her and what others thought needed to be done, Mary gave her attention to listening to Jesus.

Friedman maintains that anxiety's major tone is seriousness. It is always content-oriented. The anxious person wants to get things done properly. He is assertive, even aggressive, in organizational effectiveness and efficiency. He is a Type A personality who gets things done. He is task-oriented. I know, because that is my default drive. It is an affliction that accomplishes a great deal but often at a cost of personal relationships. It is found in hierarchical enterprises, in supervisors, school principals, executive chefs, football and basketball coaches and critics of all stripes. They worry that if they do not get the job done well their reputation will be affected.

By contrast, the non-anxious person's major tone is playfulness. Process, the how of getting things done, is more important than the content of what is done. The Mary's of this world celebrate rather than castigate. They are more interested in the person than the project. They listen and they care more for others than themselves.

I remember a college student who returned home for Christmas. His father was always too busy working or playing golf with his friends, or giving his son chores to do, to spend time with him. His conversation with his son was almost non-existent. He never bought gifts for his wife or for members of his family. He was always too busy to go shopping or to find out what his family needed or wanted. On this Christmas he handed his son a wad of cash. His son threw it back at him and said, "I don't want your money. I want you." He never got him. His father was seemingly incapable of relating to his son. He was too busy with his own interests.

Jesus is putting his finger on the problem with our anxieties. We worry about the wrong things. We worry about what other people will think of us if we don't fulfill their expectations. We worry about how we look. We worry about how our families will reflect upon us. We worry about the unknown future over which we have no control. We are worried and upset about many things. What are you worried about? What are you upset about? What is needed? Mary has chosen what is better. She has chosen Jesus. She has chosen to make the most of the opportunity to listen to Jesus. She is more concerned for what is happening in the present, in her relationship with Jesus than she is about the domestic arrangements.

In the hurry and bustle of our daily lives, in all of the things we have to do, we need to stop and listen, and take note of those we live with and love, and the opportunities to get to know one another and to care for one another. If the congregation is a family, and we are a macrocosm of the household of Martha and Mary, what is the one thing that is needed? What should we choose that is better that will not be taken away from us that will last and is most important? Jesus said, "Love one another as I have loved you." (John 15:12) Jesus asks us as he asked Simon Peter, "Do you truly love me?" We love Jesus when we pay attention to one another, to the Christ in them.

We need to slow down and pay attention to one another. We need to stop worrying about all the things we have to do and choose what is better. Rather than having an agenda that we have to fulfill we need to listen to one another and realize that Jesus is the unseen guest at every meal, and the silent listener to every conversation. Instead of trying to coerce others to fulfill our expectations, we need to encourage them to make their own choices and to enjoy them. Let us celebrate what we have been given and have accomplished in life rather than bemoaning what we and others haven't done and think ought to be done.

The next time you are experiencing stress, are overwhelmed by all that you are attempting to do, and start to feel sorry for yourself, comparing yourself with others, stop and remember these words of Jesus: "You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed." What is that one thing for you? Listen to Jesus: "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." Give your worries to him. Focus on the immediate relationships in your life. Be present to them. That is what is better, and it will not be taken away from you.

Subscribe to Ted's blog at www.ameliachapel.com/blog. His new book, ENCOURAGEMENT IN A WORLD OF HURT: The Message of the Book of Revelation is available on www.amazon.com.