Some prayer requests are wrong, they are inappropriate. Prayers can be totally self-serving, purely materialistic, and an excuse for taking personal responsibility. We can pray for what will make life easier for us, for a divine short-cut, to avoid effort or pain. We can pray that other people will motives to make sure that our prayer requests are appropriate and not self-serving. Hybels suggests asking whether, if God granted the request whether it:
Would bring God glory?
Would it advance his purpose, his kingdom?
Would it help other people?
Would it help me to grow spiritually?

Second, some prayers are not in God's will.

Sometimes the request may not be wrong but, in the scheme of things, it is not answered as we would wish. Why would an all-loving, all-powerful God deny valid requests from faithful followers? This world is still in rebellion against God, and there is much suffering to be endured before the fulfillment of God's promises. Jesus calls us to share in his sufferings. Paul writes, "I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ's afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church." (Colossians 1:24)

Third, some prayers are premature.

Some prayers have to wait for their vindication. Sometimes God delays to test our faith. It is not good for us as his children, to get everything when we want it. We are called to be patient and to wait for God's timing (James 5:7-11). Over time we see that our original request needs to be modified. It is hard for us to wait, yet waiting upon the Lord is urged upon us time after time in Scripture. Prayer is not a magical incantation that is meant to effect instant results. It is a conversation with a loving, heavenly Father who knows what is best for his children. If children got all the candy they requested it would make them sick. We need to have our requests evened out over time so that we develop the virtues of patience and humility.

Fourth, we are unreliable.

Some prayers are not answered because there is something wrong with us. Our prayer life is inconsistent. We pray when we are in a crisis but not on a daily basis. We come to God with our requests when we are in a tight corner, but not to nurture an intimate friendship with our heavenly Father. We pray spasmodically, and we give up praying when answers don't come quickly. We don't persevere in prayer. We would rather worry than pray. We find it difficult to ask God for anything because it would be an admission of weakness. Some prayers are not answered because we are out of fellowship with God. "Your iniquities have separated you from God; your sins have hidden his face from you so that he will not hear." (Isaiah 59:2) If there is something wrong in our lives between us and God we need to confess it and seek forgiveness at the foot of the Cross before we pray.

Fifth, we can be angry and demanding.

Some prayers are not answered because of unresolved relational conflict. Jesus tells us to be reconciled to our brother before offering our gifts at the altar in worship. (Matthew 5:23,24) Husbands are told to be considerate to their wives, to treat them with respect, so that nothing will hinder their prayers. (1 Peter 3:7) We are to forgive others if we wish to be forgiven.

Sixth, we can be selfish.

Some prayers are not answered because we are self-centered. James writes, "When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."(James 4:3) Most of us suffer from the sin of covetousness. We want more than is good for us. Bill Hybels found when he examined his motives in prayer that he had been saying, in effect, "Keep me from trial, and tragedy, or pain, or anything that would make me really grow and become a man of God. Just give me a convenient, happy, satisfying, problem-free life." If God granted such selfish requests we would quickly be destroyed. Some prayers are not answered because we have little compassion for those who are hurting. Proverbs 21:13: "If you close your ear to the cry of the poor, you will cry out and not be heard." It is when we share food with the hungry, provide shelter to the homeless, clothe the naked, and not turn away from our own flesh and blood in need that we will be heard. "Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I." (Isaiah 58:9)

Seventh, we lack faith.

Some prayers are not answered because we doubt. "Ask [for wisdom] in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind; for the doubter, being double-minded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord."(James 1:5-8) If you doubt that God is able to act on your prayer you might as well not pray at all. God "is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." (Ephesians 3:20) We cannot be controlled by our feelings, our doubts, our discouragement. Instead we must learn to trust that God will hear us.

God wants us to grow in grace. He wants us to learn how to pray. He wants us to keep on praying, even when we are disappointed in our prayer requests. He wants us to learn what to pray for, and why certain prayers are not answered. He wants us to develop a consistent prayer life that is a daily habit, and not just a crisis response. He wants to see how seriously we take our relationship with him, and how much we care for others. He wants to help us develop into mature disciples of Christ. Prayer is not an option for the Christian, it is a necessity.

The Rev. Ted Schroder is pastor of Amelia Plantation Chapel on Amelia Island, Florida