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Michael Curry has epiphany following recent hospitalization
Presiding Bishop says Jesus came to him and demanded that he preach the cross of Christ or face hell
A Satirical Essay
By David W. Virtue, DD
www.virtueonline.org
October 28, 2023
Presiding Bishop Michael Curry reversed himself this week and put out a press release saying that Jesus came to him when he was flat on his back, possibly facing death, and said he had to preach Christ crucified or face going to Hell.
"I was transported into the third heaven," explained Curry, after he emerged from anesthesia following an operation for the removal of a mass, -- and not the type said at the altar. "I distinctly heard God telling me that I was taking the church down the wrong pathway towards its inevitable demise, and that if I didn't preach sin and salvation, I would suffer the pangs of hell."
"I gotta tell ya, I was shocked by the new revelation. Here I have been preaching God's love for absolutely everybody, ignoring the cross, and I had a Damascus road experience with God telling me that I had it all wrong and that all the talk of 'loving, liberating and life giving,' while distinctly ignoring the cross, which made loving, liberating and life giving, possible."
"It was a shock to the system. I realize I may have wasted most of my life talking about issues that save no one and nothing," he said.
On hearing the news of Curry's encounter with Jesus, (the Rev.) Susan Russell, and the church's half dozen gay bishops said they would bring Curry up on charges that he had abandoned TECs new found doctrine of inclusion and diversity.
"This is a deep betrayal of resolution B012 that we fought so hard for, for decades. His new found faith is totally unacceptable to us." He must go, said Michigan Bishop Bonnie Perry. "Who the hell does he think he is, dumping this on us. He is only months from retirement. This is betrayal beyond words."
The black bishop of Missouri, Deon Johnson echoed her sentiments saying, "I will never speak to him again. He has betrayed gay blacks everywhere. Has he forgotten that our people withstood 250 years of slavery?"
The Title 4 folk said they would take up the case immediately.
The bishop of CT, the Rt. Rev. Jeffrey Mello, said there was one possible way out. Curry could make a Chaucer-like pilgrimage to the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, who had a "reverse conversion." Welby dumped ALPHA and is now pushing homosexuality onto the C of E, making ecumenical appearances with Bishop of Rome Francis who has denied "below the waist" sins, and abandoning his prior evangelical insularity for a "broader understanding" of what God is doing in the world.
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