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SCREWTAPE Proposes an Episcopal Toast (14)

SCREWTAPE Proposes an Episcopal Toast (14)
With apologies to C.S. Lewis

A Satirical Essay

By David W. Virtue
www.virtueonline.org
Sept. 25, 2010

My Dear Wormwood,

The Anglican Communion is slowly but surely coming unglued while Dr. Rowan Williams' shadowboxes, placing form over substance. While this is sweet music to our ears, it is not playing out as we had hoped or anticipated.

The Global South archbishops and bishops are not buying his soft shoe approach to doctrine (Williams' private views on sodomy should not be confused with his public stance). They are beginning to see through him. While they are endlessly polite, their patience is running out. That must not be allowed to continue, Wormwood. Nip it in the bud. Keep everybody at the table. Make sure Williams keeps singing the song of unity at all and any cost.

We were particularly concerned about Archbishop Henry Orombi's blunt statement that "diplomacy is dead" uttered recently in Uganda. Those are not words we want to hear. They highlight differences and negate all that talk made famous by Mrs. Jefferts Schori about the "other", a term that refers to anyone who no longer perceives themselves as White, Anglo-Saxon and vaguely Protestant. The guilt-ridden angst of effete white liberals bemoaning the plight of the "other" must continue to play itself out until it has run its course.

All that talk of the "other" plays up alleged white superiority and downplays, indeed downgrades, all talk of the need for the "other" to know the salvific work of Him whom we despise and long to destroy.

Of course, we knew all along that the acceptance of women's ordination would lead to the acceptance of sodomy, which in turn has led to litigation over properties. Once the flood gates of theological innovation were opened, we knew everything would finally tumble over the dam and into our father's many "mansions". It has all gone our way. Our father has been known to experience something close to joy.

As THE faith has all but evaporated in The Episcopal Church and in the Anglican Church of Canada, it behooves you to finish it off in the Church of England (including Scotland, Wales and Ireland), notwithstanding the Pope's recent visit to England. The recent spiritual bump by the Pope in England will soon evaporate amidst the growing gloom of secularism. You must begin to move more vigorously against the Global South.

Meantime continue to undermine the Anglo-Catholics by focusing on form and not the substance of the faith. Keep them focused on smells, bells and preferment. On the other hand, keep evangelicals alive with happy clappy theology and praise choruses. The key is to undermine, and if that fails, create a shadow of the reality as to what they believe. The most important thing is to keep the substance of the faith out of the pews and have pastors focus on MDG's, illegal immigration, and the need for more poofters in the pulpits.

Keep the lure of a purple shirt hanging over wannabe bishops. Power is such an aphrodisiac; it makes revisionists out of liberals, and liberals out of conservatives. The herd mentality must be maintained at all costs.

Once a priest hints that sex between a man and a woman in holy matrimony might be up for discussion, he is ours. Anyone who wavers just the tiniest bit on same sex unions, hinting that "faithfulness" in such unions might be the moral equivalent of heterosexual unions is on the road to perdition. He or she is ours.

Our Islamic brothers and sisters will aid you enormously in this task. Their pathological hatred of sodomy, Christians, Jews and Israel must continue to simmer and foment, with your help of course. Outbreaks of violence and intimidation serve us well, even as the simpering remains of liberal Christianity are being flushed down the Thames River aided and abetted by the likes of Jeffrey John, and Rowan Williams along with assorted liberal bishops, benign academics, priests in Holy Orders who believe little or nothing along with moderate men of all shades of opinion.

Keep the substance of the faith firmly away from the center of their thinking. Let them talk endlessly about the meaning of the resurrection, but make sure they never talk about the power of the risen Christ.

We have noticed that bishops who wear large crosses believe less about the atonement than those who don't. Form must always be made to triumph over substance, Wormwood.

Make sure that words like "inclusion" and "diversity" are never far from their lips. Frank Griswold's "pluriform truths" has long since disappeared, but Jefferts Schori is inventing a whole new nomenclature to take TEC into the 21st century. The "other" and "conformity" as well as litigation are never far from her lips.

The anguished cries of the faux pain that liberals feel about anyone whose plight is less than their own must continue to resound throughout the land. We especially like hearing about "social justice" from bishops like Don Mathes of San Diego who lives in the ultra tony section of Kensington while sending his kids to private schools so they won't get contaminated by the "other." Such sweet music.

Let the liberals and revisionists rail against narrow-minded "fundamentalists" and the orthodox betrayal of the new world order of sexual diversity. The remaining orthodox must be made to feel guilty for not keeping up with the new fangled "theology" of Vickie Gene, Jefferts Schori and TEC.

Now we were not happy to hear that that fellow Dan Martins has won the see of Springfield. He was clearly the most orthodox of the candidates and the most dangerous to our side. Make sure he does not receive consents. Work vigorously on the HOB and Diocesan Standing Committees. Start whispering campaigns that he is secretly homophobic...it will catch on with the liberal blogs and, like a brush fire, it will be all over the Internet. He will be toast. If he should obtain consents, make his life a living hell when he hits the ground running among the liberals. Make him regret he ever ran for the job.

In the meantime, declaw any good will or good feelings that may have remained with the recent visit of the Pope to England. He silenced the liberal press and his mea culpa over priestly abuse won him much respect, causing our father to vomit long into the night. We suspect, however, that the Pope may have touched many hearts with his plea for forgiveness.

What had our father positively enraged was the Pope's call for England to once again hear the claims of Christ and His uniqueness. Our father was apoplectic with rage when he heard this. His junior devils fled from his sight in abject fear when HIS name was mentioned.

Finally. We have just received word that a revolt has begun in the Diocese of South Carolina. The liberals in the diocese are rising up against Bishop Mark Lawrence. Excellent news. Foment this into a brush fire and then a full conflagration, Wormwood.

In time, Bonnie Anderson and Jefferts Schori will be "forced" to intervene. They will move to expel Lawrence using some canon or other. Expect another Bonfire of the Inanities. TEC's bishops will move to get rid of Lawrence as they did Bob Duncan. The irony that they could not get rid of Charles Bennison brought our father out of his slump over the Pope's visit to England. This is the kind of ecclesiastical schizophrenia our father revels in.

Keep up the good work,

I remain your affectionate uncle,

Screwtape

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