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House of Bishops Report Says Lying, Fighting for Properties, Deposing Priests is Legitimate Behavior for Presiding Bishop
A Satirical Essay
By David W. Virtue
www.virtueonline.org
April 24, 2014
As they emerged from a four-day summit, the House of Bishops, meeting in a clandestine huddle, announced that lying, fighting for properties, deposing priests is a legitimate behavior for the Presiding Bishop and is protected under the church’s canons and constitution.
By a 98% majority, the HOB affirmed what the Presiding Bishop has been practicing for more than eight years saying that “any attempt to restrict her behavior would impact the church’s growth and future General Convention resolutions denying her a free hand to do exactly as she pleases.”
The HOB’s decision won high praise from former bishops Jack Spong and Gene Robinson whose theology and morality have opened new unparalleled vistas of thought and opportunity. Many bishops are saying she must be given a free hand to spend as much money as she pleases to pile on lawsuits, even to the point of taking dioceses like Ft. Worth and South Carolina to the Supreme Court of the US.
In his written report, Bishop Clay Matthews, Jefferts Schori’s personal consigliore and hatchet man argued, “For our Presiding Bishop it is imperative that she be given a free hand to whip the HOB into shape which includes lying and suing any SOB who stands in her way in the name of full inclusion and diversity.”
Bishop Matthews said, in a closing statement, that lying and lawsuits is akin to a religious experience that the HOB would not want to deny the PB as honesty would detract from the church’s mission to love absolutely everybody unconditionally.
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