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Citing Court Concerns, Episcopal Bishop will Do All Her Drinking at Home with Boyfriend
A Satirical Essay
By David W. Virtue DD
www.virtueonline.org
January 19, 2014
Citing what she called "court concerns," Maryland Suffragan Bishop Heather Cook said on leaving prison after posting bail of $2.5 million with the help of her boyfriend, that she would do all of her drinking at home for the foreseeable future.
Cook said that she may have to stay indoors to get her drinking done, but added, "I'm doing the 12 steps starting Monday. Episcopalians in the Diocese of Maryland need to know that their bishop is not drinking on the job."
Calling the move "a temporary security measure to avoid irate cyclists who feel she should stay in the slammer for killing one of their own," the Maryland Suffragan Bishop said that her decision to do all of her drinking at home "should in no way be seen as a negative comment on Episcopalians who drink or take the fifth. They are wunnerful people."
"To all faithful Episcopalians who can quaff a fifth, I'll be back," she said, choking up.
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