“God’s craven love for absolutely everybody took a hit this week because if God had wanted them to stay together She would have made that clear 25 years ago,” added the Presiding Bishop.

“Transient or needlessly broken relationships contribute much to our lack of joie de vivre and Gene took us down that road this week. I think we need to find a way to forgive God for screwing this up,” noted Jefferts Schori as she regained her composure.

“If She can't order the universe a little bit better how the hell can I make this church of mine grow,” she implored.

“Gene helped us to regain a sense of purpose and direction as a Church and to explore our sexual side as no bishop had ever done before. We will forever be in his debt especially as I have to find a way to recover the $40 million I spent on lawsuits to recover properties we never owned because of his same sex attractions,” she whined.

“Today I am asking that the Episcopal Divinity School and its lesbian loving president honor Gene with an honorary doctorate for attempting the sexually impossible…the failure to produce one baby in 25 years...and to remember what Rowan Williams taught us all, that desire is the paramount moral point of human sexuality.

“God bless you Gene...I hereby declare that a Week of Unhappiness open.”

END