"Furthermore, the annual publication of figures logging the Church's decline just humiliates the Church and all the 65 plus aged parishioners who still fill the pews and who will be dead in a decade or so and with it the Church and diocese. We need to take a leaf out of the Anglican Church of Canada, which hasn't disclosed figures in years about their average Sunday attendance.

"That also goes for all the millions we have spent on lawsuits. It's a crying shame that people know what we are spending on the law firm of David Booth Beers as he goes after dioceses that have separated from us over such mundane issues as to who sleeps with whom. It's none of anybody's business. It doesn't help our image as a church for white elites with a few token Blacks, Hispanics and Native Americans," she added.

The Presiding Bishop said they would publicize the need for money to build more columbaria as a "safe place" for Episcopalians as they age and die.

"We can't live off on endowments forever," she whined. "Rich Episcopalians are no longer a dime a dozen. We only have a handful of billionaires left and they are starting to catch on that we might not be around much longer after they have gone, and several have told me they won't put money on a dying nag at a racetrack."

The Presiding Bishop concluded her remarks by saying that the Episcopal Church will never again be put in the embarrassing position of revealing just how dysfunctional she is. "It is bad for fund raising and god knows we need millions to keep the doors open, promote gay marriage at Sewanee University, merge seminaries and dioceses, and push rites for same-sex marriage as well as climate change and manipulating global south primates to changing their minds about sex."

She said a resolution is being prepared for General Convention next year in Utah.

END