VOL believes we can assist the new presiding bishop with the very liturgy he might want ALL Episcopalians to intone on Sunday mornings. In case your eyes well up with tears of joy, reading glasses with handkerchiefs will be provided.

LET US PRAY: With all our heart and with all our mind, let us pray to the Lord, saying "Don't worry, be happy."

For growing black on black violence in the cities of America, especially in Chicago, we pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

That the EU should send all migrants back to Africa except jihadist Muslims, we pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

For 67,000 criminal illegal immigrants, the violent ones who have been released into our community, we pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

For the 11 million illegal Mexican immigrants in America that Donald Trump wants to send back to Mexico, we pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

For the black student coalition calling for violence if the U.S. Constitution is not replaced with a version that serves "the interests of black people," we pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

For a white girl in Germany who was raped by a Muslim gang because she showed her blonde hair in public, we pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

For Sewanee University to have more black and gay people to end white Privilege, we pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Let us pray for those who are leaving their white privilege unchecked because Jesus loves them just the way they are. We pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Let us pray for Muslims who harass innocent, defenseless Christians, thereby making Jesus cry and begin to doubt the meaning of his own sacrifice.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

For Muslims who pushed Christian Iraqis overboard into the Mediterranean even as they were being rescued in Christian Europe by Christians, we pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

For some white male students with sacrilegious ideas about race, empire, evolution, or God, we pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

For the political correctness craze sweeping US campuses, that white people will see how much they have oppressed black people, many of whom can barely read or write, we pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Let us pray for the Christians in Germany whose daughters are getting raped by Muslim refugees and whose local Protestant priests are purging the church of crosses and other symbols of Christ's sacrifice.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Let us pray for all the white presidents at universities where they will be forced to resign based on fake Mau Mau race incidents during Mau Mau-ing shakedowns.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Let us pray for all the white seminarians who won't get a job in TEC unless they first transition into raging LGBQTI grovelers. We pray to the Lord.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Let us pray for the rich little old white ladies who are still giving money to their local TEC parishes because they are unwilling to recognize how much it hurts Jesus.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Let us pray for all those Christian racists who keep getting away with criminal hatred because TEC won't call them out by name.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Let us pray that white bishops will finally do something meaningful to advance racial reconciliation by refusing to ordain any white priests until enough black ones are in every white parish.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Let us pray that white parishes will admit to Jesus that there is really no such thing as enough black priests in TEC.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Let us pray that we will take a strong stand against criminal black violence that raises awareness and creates racism in the white community.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Let us pray that TEC antiracism training will evolve into self-defense training for families in rapidly changing neighborhoods.

CONGREGATION: Don't worry, be happy.

Save The Episcopal Church from extinction, we pray to you, oh Lord.

CONGREGATION: In your mercy, hear our prayers. If you don't, we are truly screwed and we might only have ourselves to blame.

END